Goldilocks Had It Easy

The absolute worst thing to say to someone who is single:

“Why don’t you have a boyfriend/girlfriend??

You’re so pretty/handsome/smart!

I don’t understand??”

The worst part about this question is there’s no acceptable “real” answer.

No one really wants to know.

Which makes this an even ruder invasion of privacy.

Like Goldilocks, I’m still trying to find the one that’s juuust right.

goldilocks

Lucky bitch only had to slog through three options!

Usually when asked I just say, “I haven’t found the right one yet.”

(A true yet vague statement)

However, since I’m a little bit of an asshole, what I really want to say is:

You know why I’m single??

My last foray into dating ended abruptly, when I was informed via email, that he needed to figure out how to be “happy” by himself before he could be happy with someone else.

(This was coincidentally, after I refused to sleep with him on our second date)

personal challenge

Or how about the last guy I was foolish enough to catch feelings for?!

At first I thought he actually cared about me but, it turned out he was just a man-whore looking to get laid while keeping every.option.open.

(That really made me feel like I was special)

you look like a bad decision

The one before that, I only went out with a few times (Thank God!) when I found out from a fellow bartender he’d been dating another girl for the last 4 months.

And then there was the guy before that, he told me he loved me and proceeded to cheat on me with his stripper ex-girlfriend.

That’s right – I said:

stripper

ex

girlfriend

That about sums it up.

I either have a douchebag magnet implanted somewhere on my person or colossally bad taste in men.

douchebag magnet

I’m going with six of one, half dozen of the other.

So if it’s okay with you, I’m taking a little break from dating for awhile.

It’s been a rough year.

Do you have any other intrusive, super personal questions you’d like to ask me?

I didn’t think so…

Other things to never say to your single friends.

On behalf of singles everywhere, we thank you for your cooperation 🙂

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Filed under dating, deal breakers, etiquette, looking for love, sex

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