Category Archives: growing up

Call Me, Maybe?

I was talking to my fabulous friend Amina the other day and she looked at me like I was bat.shit.crazy when I told her I frequently go a day or two without talking to anyone.

The fabulous Miss Amina and I

The fabulous Miss Amina and I aka Ebony & Ivory Divas πŸ™‚

I’m notorious for taking “personal days” when I respond to no one and spend a day completely in my own company, ignoring the outside world.

Which she completely understands and occasionally does herself.

But she couldn’t understand that I would regularly go a whole day without texting or calling a friend or family member.

(Please note, she does NOT count Facebook, Twitter, or any other social media platform as acceptable substitutes for a text or phone call. As someone who works in marketing and uses most of these platforms daily, I strongly disagree, but will humor her for the sake of this post.)

Now, before you also think I’m some psychopathic introvert, let me explain.

Heeeeeere's Johnny!!

Heeeeeere’s Johnny!!

I talk to people every day. These interactions are usually at work, the gym, or the store. They aren’t always people I know personally. But I do talk to people!

I’ve never been a big phone talker.

When I was growing up we had one phone, in the kitchen, where everyone could hear you, so there was really no such thing as a private conversation.

As an adult, I worked for more years than I care to remember as a customer service rep and grew to despise speaking to anyone on the telephone.

That smiling face is a lie. Customer service is the worst.job.ever.

That smiling face is a lie. Customer service is the worst.job.ever.

And quite frankly, I don’t know if I’m going deaf in my old age or cell phone reception just sucks, but I feel like I can never quite hear anyone clearly when talking on the phone these days.

Rather than just “uh huh” and pretend I heard what was said (repeating myself is a huge pet peeve so I try my best not to make others do it) I’d rather just make plans to see you in person. It’s more fun that way anyway!

Her reaction did get me thinking though.

As I’m living alone again these days, if I disappeared, would anyone notice?

Thankfully I’m not a crazy cat lady (or a fan of cats period) so I’m not in any danger of dying and having my face eaten off.

Never, ever, ever!

Nevah, evah, evah!

But I think I might need to start interacting with my friends and family on a more regular basis and not just to make plans.

I don’t want to be that woman discovered dead after neighbors start complaining about a foul odor.

How about you guys?

Do you talk to someone every day?

Is it the same someone?

Do you call people just to say “hi”?

Would anyone notice if you disappeared for a couple days?

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Filed under etiquette, family, friendship, growing up

It Only Hurts If You Let It

I was talking (bitching) to my wicked smart Mom the other day.

All up on my high horse, pointing out the less-than-perfect behavior of another.

And she replied, “why let it bother you?”

I’ll admit, at first, I found her response extremely annoying.

“You’re supposed to be on my side!”

“Well screw you too!”

But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized she was right.

It’s easy to focus on what’s going wrong, how someone else isn’t doing the right thing, but ultimately you are the one who allows outside forces to effect your inner peace.

inner peace

This is NOT a free pass for bad behavior.

“Don’t be a dick” is a code I think everyone should follow.

But there will always be assholes walking the earth.

And you will more than likely have to interact with them on a regular basis.

You have choices in these situations.

life is all about choices

You can allow them to bring you down to their level and return that asshole behavior tit for tat.

While this may feel really good at the time, if you’re anything like me you will then spend the next week chastising yourself for allowing said asshole to elicit such a response from you. (You really are better than that!)

You can say/do nothing.

Take the high road and let your resentment fester and grow by continuously turning that nugget of assholery over and over in your head while complaining about said assholery to friends and family. (This will certainly give you agada. That’s indigestion for all you non-Italians.)

Or

You can accept the fact that sometimes people suck.

It’s not your job to make them suck less.

It’s not your job to point out their massive amount of suckiness (suckitude?).

All you can do is take a deep breathe, accept it, and move on.

acceptance

Because really – ain’t nobody got time for that!

And for all you know, someone did piss in their Cheerios and it’s not personal.

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Filed under etiquette, family, friendship, growing up, inspiration

Good Enough

As much as I am head over heels in love with my new job, it takes up far more of my time than anticipated.

Lately, I feel as though I’ve been phoning in certain areas of my life in order to accommodate all that I would like to accomplish.

Sadly, one of the victims of my time crunch is Adventures in Adulthood.

Instead of having the time to fully form my thoughts and craft witty, clever posts, I’ve been slacking – just a bit.

slacking off

It doesn’t help that it’s summertime and there are a thousand things I would rather do on a sunny afternoon than sit inside banging away on my laptop.

When I was bartending I could work on the blog during slow weeknights.

Which gave me time to revise and edit until I found the perfect wording for what I was trying to say.

Now 300 or so coherent words on a relevant topic and that’s good enough.

At first I was disappointed in myself for not having prepared better.

feels bad man

But the accelerated pace at which I must now write and post has actually helped.

Being a Type A Perfectionist, I have never enjoyed the quote:

voltaire quote

But, it has become quite accurate for my circumstances.

I’ve come to the understanding that if I want to continue with my blogging adventure (and I very much do) I will need to do more with less.

It has made me far more focused, as I don’t have the time to just write and see where it takes me.

Which has made me think about the other aspects of my life that could benefit from a little less over-thinking.

overthinking

Yes, I know thinking about over-thinking is over-thinking.

It’s my Achilles heel 😦

I blame the Girl Scouts for teaching us to always be prepared.

But, I’m working on it.

And that will just have to be good enough.

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Filed under Change, Climbing the Ladder, following your dreams, growing up

Sharing Sucks

I hate to share.

I know I’m an “adult”.

We’re supposed to bask in the pure joy of giving to our fellow man.

Eff that.

I’ve always hated to share.

Maybe it’s because I’m the oldest and deep down I resent having to share my parents with my younger brother.

I don't wanna!

I don’t wanna!

Maybe I’m just a selfish asshole.

Whatever the reason, sharing sucks.

The only time I actually enjoy sharing is when it comes to food.

If I’m torn between two menu items and the person I’m with is willing to order both and split them, I’m happier than a fat kid with cake.

Nom Nom Nom

Nom Nom Nom

However, once we divvy up the loot, keep your fork on your own plate buddy!

And don’t even think of stealing a bite without asking!

Now I am willing to share, but I’m a control freak, so of course I have to be the one who picks what is shared.

God forbid you take my “perfect bite”.

(For those of you not obsessed with food this is the bite you save for last. It’s the perfect mix of the textures and flavors in a dish. The taste you want to remember the meal by.)

Stealing the “perfect bite” is a severe sharing transgression.

But, even I can admit, it’s just food.

The worst sharing transgressions are of course when you’re forced to share.

Sharing sucks!

That’s just turrible 😦

No one asks if you. It just happens.

My new position is with a smaller company than I’m used to.

There’s no “that’s not my job” going on, it’s quite nice most of the time.

But then there’s the time someone else does something you consider your responsibility.

The polite thing to do is say, “thank you”.

They’re waiting for you to say, “thank you”.

I really don’t want to say, “thank you”.

What I want to say is:

Why would you do that?? Nobody asked you to do that!?!

AARRRGGGGGHH!!!

AARRRGGGGGHH!!!

But I can’t.

I smile and say “thank you”.

Because I’m an adult and even though sharing sucks, I guess it sucks a little less when someone’s just trying to help out.

But, I’m warning you – keep your fork on your own plate!

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Filed under Change, Climbing the Ladder, deal breakers, etiquette, growing up

I Got It From My Momma

In honor of my mother’s upcoming birthday, (June 24th for those of you who know her and want to wish her well) I put together a list of things she taught me over the years. Obviously it’s not an exhaustive list – that would be impossible.

Some of the lessons were appreciated at the time.

Some I didn’t fully understand until years later.

But they all remind me how lucky I am to have such an amazing Mom.

Me and my Momma

Me and my Momma

THINGS I GOT FROM MY MOMMA:

(besides some pretty amazing bone structure)

  1. Never show up to a gathering empty handed and always ask the host/hostess if you can help upon arrival.
  2. Dance whenever possible. (Some of my fondest memories are family dance parties in the living room.)

    dance party with mom

    Madonna dance parties are the best dance parties πŸ™‚

  3. Pay off your credit cards EVERY MONTH and always have a little mad money set aside.
  4. Reading is AWESOME and will take you places you never dreamed of.
  5. Homemade food tastes the best. Extra points for growing your own.
  6. You can learn how to do anything you set your mind to. It won’t always be easy but it IS possible.

    Channeling her inner Amelia Earhart.

    Channeling her inner Amelia Earhart. That’s right my bad-ass Momma flew that plane!

  7. Your skin is your largest organ. Wash your face EVERY night, moisturize, and always use sunscreen.
  8. Ain’t isn’t a word. Use proper grammar.
  9. If you can’t carry it – don’t pack it. Chivalry is kinda, sorta dead. Be prepared to carry your own luggage ladies.
  10. Go outside. Better yet – go camping.
  11. Mind your manners. They’re called “magic words” for a reason.
  12. Barefaced is beautiful. Growing up I rarely saw my Mom wear much make-up and I wasn’t allowed to paint my face until high school. (It’s easy if you have great skin – see #7)

    Making it look easy somewhere in Korea.

    Making it look easy somewhere in Korea.

  13. You can’t say you don’t like something if you’ve never tried it. Try everything at least once. Twice to make sure.
  14. Tequila is the nectar of the Gods. But don’t be a dumbass – call a cab or have a designated driver.
  15. Stick up for yourself. No one if going to fight your battles for you.

Bonus:

Driving fast is a necessity in life when you’re ALWAYS 10 minutes late for EVERYTHING. It’s also a helluva lot of fun πŸ™‚

Happy Birthday Mom!! ILY

Happy Birthday Mom!! ILY

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Filed under beauty, entertaining, etiquette, family, growing up, money, music

Lay Off! I’m Starving!!

I generally try to eat healthy and exercise regularly.

Not just for appearances sake, but so I can live a long and healthy life.

Though sometimes it’s all about appearances.

This usually starts around April/May, depending how long Old Man Winter hangs around New England.

Β It’s the time of year most of us drag our pale, lumpy asses to the gym.

You also start choosing salads over burgers and carbs become a dirty word.

This is also the time of year most women become just a teensy bit sensitive.

LAY OFF!!

We’re starving!

That’s right folks!

It’s swimsuit season.

As most of you ladies know – it SUCKS!!

GIANT, HAIRY MONKEY BALLS!!

Kind of like these but bigger and hairier

Kind of like these but bigger and hairier!

Trying on bathing suits should come with complimentary Xanax.

No matter what size, shape, or color you come in, it’s a traumatic experience.

You peruse the racks, find some cute suits, take them back to the dressing room, put on the bottoms, (ignoring how unsanitary this is even with your underwear on), look in the mirror, and burst into tears.

cathy trying on bathing suit

ACK!!

You then try to take off the offending garment while shielding your pale, lumpy ass from what is clearly one of those fun house distortion mirrors, lose your balance, fall over, and cause such a ruckus that the sales clerk comes back to check on you.

The only way this scenario gets more embarrassing, is if you happen to be in a dressing room with that flimsy curtain some sadist decided was a door.

Kind of like this but more awkward and half-naked.

Kind of like this but more awkward and half-naked.

If you should try to by-pass this horrific experience by shopping online, you’re just setting yourself up for deep, soul-crushing disappointment.

When the suit that was supposed to “smooth problem areas!” and offer “full coverage bottoms” arrives, it will do absolutely NONE of those things, and you will most certainly NOT look like the “real woman” model from the website.

Seriously?!? Can celebrities and models start looking like "real" people again?!?

Seriously?!? Can celebrities and models start looking like “real” people again?!?

In fact, the sight of your pale, lumpy ass hanging out of those “full coverage bottoms” will be enough to send you diving under the covers to hide your hideous body from the world until the temperature drops low enough to wear a full-body sweatsuit.

It’s really an exhausting experience.

Ain’t nobody got time for that!

So this year, I’m thinking we just skip all that nonsense.

As long as all your bits are covered, I say put on your suit, go to the beach, and flaunt what your momma gave you!

What do you think ladies??

human shaped

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Filed under beauty, fitness, food, growing up, inspiration

Cranky Pants Give Me a Wedgie

“I am a strong, beautiful woman that is never static but always growing and learning each and every day.”

This popped up in my news feed the other night, courtesy of the most delightful and light-filled souls I’ve had the pleasure of meeting.

I’d been having the kind of day when you just want to burn it to the ground, get in the car, and drive west.

cranky pants

In other words, I felt like this. Wearing some serious cranky pants with the world’s most painful wedgie!

In fact, the post I was working on (avoiding writing while trolling FB) was about how even though I’m starting a new stage of my career, I’m having trouble feeling grateful. I’ve been stuck in this loop – dwelling on the areas of my life that I feel are lacking – poor me, blah, blah, blah.

And then BAM!

“I am a strong, beautiful woman that is never static but always growing and learning each and every day.”

The things I wish were different in my life aren’t permanent.

I haven’t died.

There is still time for me to learn from my choices and make better ones.

I only have to stay stuck for as long as I make myself.

there's still time to change the road your on

Those 13 words didn’t magically change situations to suite my desires, but they reminded me the only thing that is certain to happen in life is change.

It is up to me how I choose to handle that change, whether I stomp my feet and pout, or learn from the experience, and allow it to help me grow as a person.

happinessThis to shall pass.

It’s a nice reminder on bad days – that there’s an inevitable end.

Good days are different – you want those to last forever – so don’t forget to appreciate them πŸ™‚

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Filed under following your dreams, growing up, inspiration

It’s Finally Friday!!!

Quote of the Day:

i believe in miracles

Climbing the Ladder:

10 things really amazing employees do.

10 things really amazing bosses do.

Feed Your Mind:

65 books you should read in your 20’s.

How Does Your Garden Grow:

35 tips and tricks to keep disease and pests out of your garden.

Wine Me, Dine Me:

How to pick and cut the perfect melon.

Cook juicy, delicious, boneless, skinless chicken breasts every time!

Nesting:

Keep your home pest free.

Giggles and Such:

You might just be a bitch

Do you guys know you’re letting me use nice things?

addicted to reading

could give two fucks

barefoot

Have a great weekend!

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Filed under books, Climbing the Ladder, Finally Friday, food, gardening, giggles and such, growing up, inspiration, nesting, quotes, videos

Nothin’ but a Number?

Have you ever dated someone significantly older or younger than you?

I used to rag on my guy friends for constantly robbing the cradle.

If your girl can’t go to the bar with us – she’s too young!

But what about when you’re past legal drinking age, does it still matter?

I dated a younger man once. He was 22, I was 27.

me and rich

Me and my “snack pack”

The most significant difference had to do with our music choices.

In his defense, he did like good music, I’m just a sucker for the classics.

He would jokingly call me his cougar.

Which I found more adorable than annoying – most of the time.

It’sΒ  expected for the man to be the elder in a May/December romance.

Gross, but socially acceptable.

Gross, but socially acceptable.

But when it’s the woman she’s looked at as some sort of desperate predator.

What does May/December even mean??

Technically that’s just six months!!

mariah and nick 2

A decade apart. Does that make him really mature or her seriously immature??

Five years isn’t that bad of an age difference – we still had a similar world view.

And we were also in the same place.

Neither of us was really looking to settle down.

But what about a ten year age difference? Or more??

No matter who’s older, ten plus years is a whole lot of difference.

He probably can't get it up but I bet you have to change his diaper.

He probably couldn’t get it up but I bet she had to change his diaper.

Having sexual relations with a wrinkly, old man sounds gross enough.

But if you hitch your star to an older wagon, you’ll probably have to change his diaper or help him use the bathroom at some point in the not so distant future.

That’s definitely where I draw the line!

adult diaper thong

The opposite of sexy!

Your life experiences are different as well.

Twenty-somethings haven’t really thought about having children, except how to prevent them.

But thirty-somethings have more than likely thought about it and come to a definitive answer.

And then there are those who are past their prime, can’t get it up without pills, but could still father a child who will graduate high school when they’re eighty.

Excuse me while I go vomit…Belch!

Who wants to chase after a toddler at 90?!?

Who wants to chase after a toddler at 90?!?

If you get along, want the same things, and genuinely care about one another – does age matter?

What do you guys think?

Would you date someone significantly older or younger than you??

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Filed under dating, deal breakers, growing up, looking for love, sex

It Takes a Village

Hillary Clinton said it takes a village, and who am I to argue with Hillary??

U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton checks her PDA upon her departure in a military C-17 plane from Malta bound for Tripoli,  Libya

Sunday is that one day of the year when we take the time to say, “thank you” to the women who raised us.

(By the way, how about we start doing that a little more often?!?)

Which got me thinking about all the women who have influenced my journey through life.

There are two I feel I lost just before I needed them most:

Aunt Joan – I will always have questions for you. Things I wished I’d thought to ask before it was too late. But, I’ve started to realize, the world you grew up in was far, far different from the challenges I encounter today. Sometimes the choices I have the freedom to make are daunting. I wish you were here to talk to.

aunt joan

Grama Gloria – If the woman you raised is any indication, you were a force to be reckoned with. I wish I remembered you more. I wish I had the foresight to ask for your story. In my mind you will always be an adventurer. From what I hear, that’s not far off.

grama gloria (2)

There are those I still have the privilege to know and love:

Aunt DJ – There are no words for the strength of spirit I have witnessed over the years. I can only hope to one day approach life with the grace and class you exhibit every day.

me justin and aunt dj swimming

Mom – my crazy, smart mother, who knows more than I can ever hope to – which I will never admit (again). You taught me anyone can learn anything if they set their mind to it and put in the work. I can never express how truly you inspire me every day to be a better person.

4821

Barbara – my beautiful cousin who showed me family could be friends. You have taught me being vulnerable is a gift not all people receive. I only hope you know how very wondrous and fierce you are.

babs genie

Those who have shown me professionalism and class are NOT mutually exclusive:

Maura Deedy – the first real female work friend I had in the “professional” world, she taught me that you CAN be a rock star at work without throwing your fellow woman under the bus

Erika Cook – my first female boss. I might have been just a waitress but you set the standard that for 20 years has made me believe women can be supportive and caring of their subordinates. Shame on you πŸ™‚

And last but certainly not least:

My girls – that seems like such a lame word for the women who have held me up and encouraged me over the years. “Girl” completely discredits the reckoning you encompass. You are so much more than words could ever describe. Imagine that! I’m at a loss for words!! You know who you are. I love you fiercely.

Just a sampling of the “girls” who warm my heart:

ange martini

bend over

me and amina

me and amber

me and rach

me and lindsey on the bridge

I thought long and hard about the women to include in this post. There are far, far, many more goddesses who have helped show me love and kindness on my journey. I honestly did not have room for you all. (I fully relish the excess and decadence this sentence implies.) But that does not mean, in any way, shape or form, that your presence has not been felt, nor made a significant difference in my life. It has. You are appreciated and loved. Thank you from the very bottom of my heart.

Are there women in your life who have lent a helping hand on your journey?

Tell them!!

Who do you owe a “thank you”?

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Filed under family, friendship, growing up