Category Archives: sex

Nothin’ but a Number?

Have you ever dated someone significantly older or younger than you?

I used to rag on my guy friends for constantly robbing the cradle.

If your girl can’t go to the bar with us – she’s too young!

But what about when you’re past legal drinking age, does it still matter?

I dated a younger man once. He was 22, I was 27.

me and rich

Me and my “snack pack”

The most significant difference had to do with our music choices.

In his defense, he did like good music, I’m just a sucker for the classics.

He would jokingly call me his cougar.

Which I found more adorable than annoying – most of the time.

It’s  expected for the man to be the elder in a May/December romance.

Gross, but socially acceptable.

Gross, but socially acceptable.

But when it’s the woman she’s looked at as some sort of desperate predator.

What does May/December even mean??

Technically that’s just six months!!

mariah and nick 2

A decade apart. Does that make him really mature or her seriously immature??

Five years isn’t that bad of an age difference – we still had a similar world view.

And we were also in the same place.

Neither of us was really looking to settle down.

But what about a ten year age difference? Or more??

No matter who’s older, ten plus years is a whole lot of difference.

He probably can't get it up but I bet you have to change his diaper.

He probably couldn’t get it up but I bet she had to change his diaper.

Having sexual relations with a wrinkly, old man sounds gross enough.

But if you hitch your star to an older wagon, you’ll probably have to change his diaper or help him use the bathroom at some point in the not so distant future.

That’s definitely where I draw the line!

adult diaper thong

The opposite of sexy!

Your life experiences are different as well.

Twenty-somethings haven’t really thought about having children, except how to prevent them.

But thirty-somethings have more than likely thought about it and come to a definitive answer.

And then there are those who are past their prime, can’t get it up without pills, but could still father a child who will graduate high school when they’re eighty.

Excuse me while I go vomit…Belch!

Who wants to chase after a toddler at 90?!?

Who wants to chase after a toddler at 90?!?

If you get along, want the same things, and genuinely care about one another – does age matter?

What do you guys think?

Would you date someone significantly older or younger than you??

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Filed under dating, deal breakers, growing up, looking for love, sex

Goldilocks Had It Easy

The absolute worst thing to say to someone who is single:

“Why don’t you have a boyfriend/girlfriend??

You’re so pretty/handsome/smart!

I don’t understand??”

The worst part about this question is there’s no acceptable “real” answer.

No one really wants to know.

Which makes this an even ruder invasion of privacy.

Like Goldilocks, I’m still trying to find the one that’s juuust right.

goldilocks

Lucky bitch only had to slog through three options!

Usually when asked I just say, “I haven’t found the right one yet.”

(A true yet vague statement)

However, since I’m a little bit of an asshole, what I really want to say is:

You know why I’m single??

My last foray into dating ended abruptly, when I was informed via email, that he needed to figure out how to be “happy” by himself before he could be happy with someone else.

(This was coincidentally, after I refused to sleep with him on our second date)

personal challenge

Or how about the last guy I was foolish enough to catch feelings for?!

At first I thought he actually cared about me but, it turned out he was just a man-whore looking to get laid while keeping every.option.open.

(That really made me feel like I was special)

you look like a bad decision

The one before that, I only went out with a few times (Thank God!) when I found out from a fellow bartender he’d been dating another girl for the last 4 months.

And then there was the guy before that, he told me he loved me and proceeded to cheat on me with his stripper ex-girlfriend.

That’s right – I said:

stripper

ex

girlfriend

That about sums it up.

I either have a douchebag magnet implanted somewhere on my person or colossally bad taste in men.

douchebag magnet

I’m going with six of one, half dozen of the other.

So if it’s okay with you, I’m taking a little break from dating for awhile.

It’s been a rough year.

Do you have any other intrusive, super personal questions you’d like to ask me?

I didn’t think so…

Other things to never say to your single friends.

On behalf of singles everywhere, we thank you for your cooperation 🙂

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It’s Finally Friday!!!

Quote of the Day:

Alice in Wonderland quote

How Does Your Garden Grow:

If you use as much garlic as I do this will save you tons of money!

Fitness First:

10 minutes to better abs.

Techie Love:

Every wish you could do something with all those amazing pics you have on Instagram?? Now you can! Turn them into magnets!!

Wine Me, Dine Me:

Looking for a healthy breakfast you can eat on the go?? Try this super easy and wicked healthy cookies.

Health and Wellness:

We all know mediation is good for you. But it can be really hard to get started. Check out these 5 different practices and find one that works for you!

One hour a week could change your life.

Be True, Be You:

25 things you don’t have to justify to anyone.

Giggles and Such:

Take a seat. Make a friend.

It’s all about sex baby.

gimme some sugar baby

booksfanta seaHave a great weekend!

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Filed under dating, DIY, etiquette, family, Finally Friday, following your dreams, food, friendship, gardening, giggles and such, growing up, health, inspiration, looking for love, nesting, play, quotes, sex, technology, videos

Love More, Worry Less

John Lennon wasn’t perfect (cough, ahem, Yoko, cough) but he was right about one thing – all you need is love.

just love lennon quote

No matter where you fall on the dating spectrum, Valentine’s Day brings anxiety and agida. (That’s indigestion for all you non Italian-Americans)

valentine's day 2

If you’re in a committed relationship there are expectations to meet, which can feel even more daunting if you’re in a newly committed relationship.

If you’re single there is a certain exclusion, you don’t really get to participate even if you want to. (Or do you???)

valentine's day

I’ve never had your stereotypical Hollywood Valentine’s Day.

The one and only time I’ve been in a committed relationship for the Holiday of Love I received a coffee thermos as a gift.

Practical? Yes. Romantic? Not at all.

What’s Valentine’s Day really about if you take away all the Hallmark commercialization?

hallmark valentine

150 million of these are given each year!!

February 14th was officially declared Valentine’s Day in the 5th century by Pope Gelasius, although written Valentines were not exchanged until the 1400’s.

During the Middle Ages, in France and England, it was commonly believed to mark the start of birds’ mating season.

bird mating season

Supposedly, Valentine’s Day celebrates any one of three saints called Valentine, all of whom were martyred, one of whom happened to die on February 14th.

Some say it’s a Christianized version of the pagan celebration of Lupercalia.

lupercalia

Celebrated at the ides of February, Lupercalia was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture.

To begin the festival, priests would sacrifice a goat for fertility and a dog for purification. (I guess dogs really are clean animals!)

luprecalia sacrifice

The goat’s hide was then cut into strips, dipped in the sacrificial blood, and taken to the streets, where women awaited and welcomed slaps on the face with the blood soaked goat hide.

This was believed to make them more fertile in the coming year.

fertility

After this loving ritual, all the young women of Rome would place their names in a giant urn.

The city’s bachelors would then each choose a name and become paired for the year with his chosen woman.

Just think about that the next time you lament your relationship status during the month of February!

relationship status

I don’t know about you, but, I’d rather be a little lonely than slapped in the face with a blood soaked hide and randomly paired off with some neighbor for the next year.

So no matter where you fall on the relationship spectrum…

New relationship:

love is a risk peter mcwilliams quoteCommitted relationship:

committed relationshipSingle and loving it:

being single is awesomeSingle and frustrated:

My Love Life

Just remember

love more worry less

Happy Valentine’s Day!!

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Laying Down the Law

I’ve never had a problem standing up for myself.

My momma taught me to speak up for myself (maybe a little too well).

never be afraid to say what you feel

So when it comes to dating I’m quick to tell a man exactly what is and isn’t acceptable behavior.

I hate playing games and I don’t care if it hurts your feelings I will always tell you the truth.

tell the truth

Apparently that’s all wrong.

Recently a friend of mine told me all that does is give a  man an exact blueprint to your heart and your vagina.

heart blueprint

He says you should keep them guessing and let them figure it out for themselves.

Otherwise you’ll just get your heart broken.

broken heart

Joe Schmo will figure out exactly how to get in your pants (because you tell him).

Then hit it and quit it.

hit it and quit it

I say that’s setting the poor guy up for failure…

The only way relationships are successful is with open communication.

open communication

What about you guys?

Are you upfront about expectations?

Do you play relationship games?

Do they work??

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It’s Finally Friday!!!

Quote of the Day:

DIY:

Have a favorite article of clothing you wish you had another of?? Make your own patterns from the favorites you already own!

Inspirational:

Can’t we all just get along??

Health and Wellness:

Confused about what supplements or vitamins you should be taking? Check out Dr. Oz’s 3 key supplements.

Round the World:

You don’t have to have a furry friend to enjoy these 8 historical walks in New England.

Climbing the Ladder:

8 habits of remarkably successful people.

Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems:

Planning on giving that special someone a big gift this holiday season? Save yourself some money and don’t buy these 12 things until after the holiday rush.

Luscious Locks:

How to get the perfect bun.

Wine Me, Dine Me:

Make your own Texas Roadhouse butter!!

Sexual Healing:

Did you know kissing is great way to reduce wrinkles?!?

Giggles and Such:

Don’t mess with this baby. He’ll fuck you up!

Things I don’t understand about girls.

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Filed under Climbing the Ladder, DIY, Finally Friday, following your dreams, food, giggles and such, growing up, hair tutorials, health, inspiration, quotes, sex, travel, videos

Thirty Life Lessons

There’s this great list from Glamour I kept on my fridge for years.

When I cut it out I don’t think I really understood it, but I figured they were things I could work towards (I was sixteen at the time).

There’s now an equally amazing book that came from said list, full of wonderful life lessons from awe inspiring women (my personal fave is from Maya Angelou).

I’m not 30. I’m 29.95 plus tax

As I approach my big 3-0 I’ve been thinking about all the life lessons I’ve personally learned along the way.

I’ve forgotten some of them from time to time.

A couple that I’m definitely old enough to know better!

So I figured I’d write down the top 30 lessons I’ve learned thus far and see if I could save someone else a little trouble 🙂

1.) Family is the most important thing. And it’s not just the family you’re born with.

2.) Stop making up stories explaining the events in your life and just except them. The more time your spend analyzing you life the less time you spend living it.

3.) If it seems too good to be true – it is.

4.) Always trust your gut. That niggling feeling that something isn’t quite right, is always right.

5.) Music is the miracle of life. It has the power to validate your feelings, make a bad day better, celebrate good times, nurse a broken heart, and help you keep on keepin’ on.

6.) Be honest. It’s hard. I know. If you don’t have the balls to be honest with others, at least be honest with yourself.

7.) No one is going to take care of you. Save your pennies and always have some “fuck you” money stashed away.

8.) Everyone has their own narrative and they are rarely EVER the same.

9.) Always be yourself. The most authentic version of yourself you can manage. Never EVER water down your personality for anyone. It’s the best part about you girl 😉

10.) My parents are truly amazing people.

Seriously! They rock!

11.) Talk is cheap. No matter what people SAY it’s what they DO that actually matters. So pay attention.

12.) You can fool yourself better than you can fool anyone else.

13.) Perception really is reality. There’s nothing you can do to change that, so stop wasting your time worrying about what other people think.

14.) Opportunity is usually disguised as hard work.

15.) Dogs are better than most people.

He might eat your shoes, but he’ll never do you wrong.

16.) This too shall pass is a true story. Good or bad, life changes on a dime. Always appreciate what you have.

17.) Stop trying to fast forward your life. Slow the fuck down and just take it all in. It really is all about the journey. Don’t get me wrong, goals are good, but it’s how you get there that really matters.

18.) Be BOLD. Ain’t nobody got time for that pansy ass shit. Figure out what you want and go for it.

19.) Credit cards are a slippery slope. Pay off your balance at the end of each month. You’ll save thousands in interest rates and countless headaches.

20.) Have an excellent tailor and hairdresser. They’ll make you look like a million bucks even when you can’t afford a cup of coffee. (For those of you in the area: Amber LaBorde at Visual Changes in Longmeadow, MA is beyond amazing and A Perfect Fit in Agawam, MA is the only tailor I’ve ever met who continually tries to save me money and does wonderful work with an unheard of turnaround.)

21.) Mind your manners. Especially if you’re sometimes socially challenged. Remembering what your Mama taught you will get you successfully through most interactions and keep you out of hot water.

22.) Read more. Books have lessons we’re all familiar with but hearing someone else’s troubles helps us actually learn them.

23.) A bra that fits right will change your life. Seriously go get fitted for one. I know, it’s awkward and weird but it’s worth it.

24.) Jealousy really is a monster. Keep an eye out for that bitch. She’ll sneak up on you if you’re not careful.

25.) Climbing a mountain will clear your head of all your worries. Even a small mountain 🙂

26.) Learn how to LET GO. (I have to admit I’m still working on this one. It’s super hard sometimes.)

27.) Expectations can be a dangerous thing to have. Manage yours well.

28.) Sex does NOT equal intimacy.

29.) Learn how to confront people effectively. Keeping emotions bottled up inside isn’t healthy, but neither is flying off the handle when you can’t take it anymore. Address your issues upfront and you’ll feel much better in the long run.

30.) A new pair of shoes can change your life.

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