I hate to share.
I know I’m an “adult”.
We’re supposed to bask in the pure joy of giving to our fellow man.
I’ve always hated to share.
Maybe it’s because I’m the oldest and deep down I resent having to share my parents with my younger brother.
Maybe I’m just a selfish asshole.
Whatever the reason, sharing sucks.
The only time I actually enjoy sharing is when it comes to food.
If I’m torn between two menu items and the person I’m with is willing to order both and split them, I’m happier than a fat kid with cake.
However, once we divvy up the loot, keep your fork on your own plate buddy!
And don’t even think of stealing a bite without asking!
Now I am willing to share, but I’m a control freak, so of course I have to be the one who picks what is shared.
God forbid you take my “perfect bite”.
(For those of you not obsessed with food this is the bite you save for last. It’s the perfect mix of the textures and flavors in a dish. The taste you want to remember the meal by.)
Stealing the “perfect bite” is a severe sharing transgression.
But, even I can admit, it’s just food.
The worst sharing transgressions are of course when you’re forced to share.
No one asks if you. It just happens.
My new position is with a smaller company than I’m used to.
There’s no “that’s not my job” going on, it’s quite nice most of the time.
But then there’s the time someone else does something you consider your responsibility.
The polite thing to do is say, “thank you”.
They’re waiting for you to say, “thank you”.
I really don’t want to say, “thank you”.
What I want to say is:
“Why would you do that?? Nobody asked you to do that!?!“
But I can’t.
I smile and say “thank you”.
Because I’m an adult and even though sharing sucks, I guess it sucks a little less when someone’s just trying to help out.
But, I’m warning you – keep your fork on your own plate!