Category Archives: family

Call Me, Maybe?

I was talking to my fabulous friend Amina the other day and she looked at me like I was bat.shit.crazy when I told her I frequently go a day or two without talking to anyone.

The fabulous Miss Amina and I

The fabulous Miss Amina and I aka Ebony & Ivory Divas 🙂

I’m notorious for taking “personal days” when I respond to no one and spend a day completely in my own company, ignoring the outside world.

Which she completely understands and occasionally does herself.

But she couldn’t understand that I would regularly go a whole day without texting or calling a friend or family member.

(Please note, she does NOT count Facebook, Twitter, or any other social media platform as acceptable substitutes for a text or phone call. As someone who works in marketing and uses most of these platforms daily, I strongly disagree, but will humor her for the sake of this post.)

Now, before you also think I’m some psychopathic introvert, let me explain.

Heeeeeere's Johnny!!

Heeeeeere’s Johnny!!

I talk to people every day. These interactions are usually at work, the gym, or the store. They aren’t always people I know personally. But I do talk to people!

I’ve never been a big phone talker.

When I was growing up we had one phone, in the kitchen, where everyone could hear you, so there was really no such thing as a private conversation.

As an adult, I worked for more years than I care to remember as a customer service rep and grew to despise speaking to anyone on the telephone.

That smiling face is a lie. Customer service is the worst.job.ever.

That smiling face is a lie. Customer service is the worst.job.ever.

And quite frankly, I don’t know if I’m going deaf in my old age or cell phone reception just sucks, but I feel like I can never quite hear anyone clearly when talking on the phone these days.

Rather than just “uh huh” and pretend I heard what was said (repeating myself is a huge pet peeve so I try my best not to make others do it) I’d rather just make plans to see you in person. It’s more fun that way anyway!

Her reaction did get me thinking though.

As I’m living alone again these days, if I disappeared, would anyone notice?

Thankfully I’m not a crazy cat lady (or a fan of cats period) so I’m not in any danger of dying and having my face eaten off.

Never, ever, ever!

Nevah, evah, evah!

But I think I might need to start interacting with my friends and family on a more regular basis and not just to make plans.

I don’t want to be that woman discovered dead after neighbors start complaining about a foul odor.

How about you guys?

Do you talk to someone every day?

Is it the same someone?

Do you call people just to say “hi”?

Would anyone notice if you disappeared for a couple days?

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Filed under etiquette, family, friendship, growing up

It Only Hurts If You Let It

I was talking (bitching) to my wicked smart Mom the other day.

All up on my high horse, pointing out the less-than-perfect behavior of another.

And she replied, “why let it bother you?”

I’ll admit, at first, I found her response extremely annoying.

“You’re supposed to be on my side!”

“Well screw you too!”

But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized she was right.

It’s easy to focus on what’s going wrong, how someone else isn’t doing the right thing, but ultimately you are the one who allows outside forces to effect your inner peace.

inner peace

This is NOT a free pass for bad behavior.

“Don’t be a dick” is a code I think everyone should follow.

But there will always be assholes walking the earth.

And you will more than likely have to interact with them on a regular basis.

You have choices in these situations.

life is all about choices

You can allow them to bring you down to their level and return that asshole behavior tit for tat.

While this may feel really good at the time, if you’re anything like me you will then spend the next week chastising yourself for allowing said asshole to elicit such a response from you. (You really are better than that!)

You can say/do nothing.

Take the high road and let your resentment fester and grow by continuously turning that nugget of assholery over and over in your head while complaining about said assholery to friends and family. (This will certainly give you agada. That’s indigestion for all you non-Italians.)

Or

You can accept the fact that sometimes people suck.

It’s not your job to make them suck less.

It’s not your job to point out their massive amount of suckiness (suckitude?).

All you can do is take a deep breathe, accept it, and move on.

acceptance

Because really – ain’t nobody got time for that!

And for all you know, someone did piss in their Cheerios and it’s not personal.

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Filed under etiquette, family, friendship, growing up, inspiration

It’s Finally Friday!!! (sort of)

Happy 4th of July!!

Just a reminder, while you’re enjoying cold beer and fireworks tomorrow, the brave folks protecting the freedoms we’re celebrating are probably humping a 200 lb rucksack through some god-forsaken-shithole, thousands of miles from cold beer, fireworks, and loved ones.

Quote of the Day:

not weird enough hunter s thompson quote

Wine Me, Dine Me:

By now we all know GMO food is bad for us. But did you know the top 10 worst GMO foods?? 2 of them surprised me!

Round the World:

A new crop of “wonders of the world” was released by UNESCO this week. How many make your bucket list??

Body Lovin’:

Overdid it at the gym?? 3 yoga poses for sore muscles.

Luscious Locks:

Wet hair at work is a no-no. Or is it??

Out and About:

Where to see fireworks in Western Mass this weekend.

Where to see fireworks in CT this weekend.

There’s no crying in baseball!!

Bushnell Park – Friday night

there's no crying in baseball

I know, I know!

“Where’s all the wicked awesome local music?!?”

I’ve got a four day weekend clouding my vision kids.

So I only have a few morsels of musical shenanigans for you this week.

Saturday – Tony Lee Thomas @ O’Laughlin’s in Pittsfield, MA

Sunday – The Kings @ The Wales Irish Pub in Wales, MA

I promise I’ll do better next week!

Giggles and Such:

Let me mustard up some courage!

In case of bad day, break glass.

The freedom to not give a fuck.

what happened

mosquitosHave a great week(end)!!

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Filed under Climbing the Ladder, etiquette, family, Finally Friday, fitness, food, giggles and such, hair tutorials, health, Out on the Town, play, travel, videos

It’s Finally Friday!!!

Quote of the Day:

words are a powerful drug kipling quote

Inspirational:

I feel pretty, oh so pretty!

For all the women who have ever been creeped on, stared at, and inappropriately grabbed. You are worth more than that.

Climbing the Ladder:

Feeling a little insecure in your job?? Stop it! How to build confidence at work.

For the Kiddos:

Worried about the food you feed your little one?? Make your own GMO-free baby food.

Out and About:

Friday Fun:

“Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” The city of Hartford puts on free movies after dark in parks around the city. Tonight is The Princess Bride is Elizabeth Park. Keep your fingers crossed the rain doesn’t ruin your chance to see this classic under the stars. Showing is 7pm – 11pm.

Looking to hear some acoustic tunes while enjoying a late dinner? Then check out Jeff King (of The Kings) and Anthony Drafft (of Steelhead) playing your favorites at La Cucina di Hampden House. Music starts at 7:30pm. Kitchen open til 10pm.

Hampden on the wrong side of the river for you?? Don’t worry The John Cantalini Band is playing at The Southwick Inn. If that name sounds familiar it’s because he’s the wicked awesome guitarist for The Kings. So get your ass down to The Inn and get ready to rock out!

Looking for a local dive to hang your hat for the evening? The Marks Brothers (featuring Mark Mercier of Max Creek) will be playing at The Ale House in Springfield tonight. Now Ale is my favorite dive, but, when I say dive ladies, I mean dive. The Ale House doesn’t take cards, so make sure to bring cash. Plenty of free, well-lit parking.

Saturday Shenanigans:

Tony Lee Thomas will be rocking the Crossroads Cafe out in Pittsfield, MA. If you’ve never seen Tony, he’s a special treat, featuring the lovely Miss Jenny Porter (a personal favorite of mine). Keep your ears open for Southern Girl (another personal favorite).

We have another great venue with awesome food! Gnome Sane (your new favorite 90’s band) will be playing all your favorites at The Tap Room in Wilbraham, MA starting at 9pm. Go early, get a table, and enjoy some good food and great music.

One of my favorites, Primate Fiasco will be playing those funky fresh tunes that just make you wanna dance up at Bishop’s Lounge in Northampton, MA starting 10pm.

For all my Connecticut peeps, you’re in for an extra special treat at The Downtown Cafe in Bristol. That’s right folks, Bristol’s known for more than producing NFL-playing murderers. They also have some amazing blues music courtesy of Bad Rooster!! These guys will blow you away. Lee-Ann Lovelace is the power house dynamo on vocals and my favorite Uncle keeps your feet moving to the beat on drums. Now don’t get it twisted! I wouldn’t lie to you, there’s no nepotism here at Adventures in Adulthood. So put on your dancing shoes and get your ass to the Downtown Cafe!! Show starts at 9:30pm, kitchen open til close.

Giggles and Such:

I love puns 🙂

Celebrities as normal people.

i don't even want a boyfriend girls quotehave a great daylet's get you home buddyHave a great weekend!

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Filed under beauty, Climbing the Ladder, etiquette, family, Finally Friday, food, giggles and such, inspiration, looking for love, Out on the Town, videos

I Got It From My Momma

In honor of my mother’s upcoming birthday, (June 24th for those of you who know her and want to wish her well) I put together a list of things she taught me over the years. Obviously it’s not an exhaustive list – that would be impossible.

Some of the lessons were appreciated at the time.

Some I didn’t fully understand until years later.

But they all remind me how lucky I am to have such an amazing Mom.

Me and my Momma

Me and my Momma

THINGS I GOT FROM MY MOMMA:

(besides some pretty amazing bone structure)

  1. Never show up to a gathering empty handed and always ask the host/hostess if you can help upon arrival.
  2. Dance whenever possible. (Some of my fondest memories are family dance parties in the living room.)

    dance party with mom

    Madonna dance parties are the best dance parties 🙂

  3. Pay off your credit cards EVERY MONTH and always have a little mad money set aside.
  4. Reading is AWESOME and will take you places you never dreamed of.
  5. Homemade food tastes the best. Extra points for growing your own.
  6. You can learn how to do anything you set your mind to. It won’t always be easy but it IS possible.

    Channeling her inner Amelia Earhart.

    Channeling her inner Amelia Earhart. That’s right my bad-ass Momma flew that plane!

  7. Your skin is your largest organ. Wash your face EVERY night, moisturize, and always use sunscreen.
  8. Ain’t isn’t a word. Use proper grammar.
  9. If you can’t carry it – don’t pack it. Chivalry is kinda, sorta dead. Be prepared to carry your own luggage ladies.
  10. Go outside. Better yet – go camping.
  11. Mind your manners. They’re called “magic words” for a reason.
  12. Barefaced is beautiful. Growing up I rarely saw my Mom wear much make-up and I wasn’t allowed to paint my face until high school. (It’s easy if you have great skin – see #7)

    Making it look easy somewhere in Korea.

    Making it look easy somewhere in Korea.

  13. You can’t say you don’t like something if you’ve never tried it. Try everything at least once. Twice to make sure.
  14. Tequila is the nectar of the Gods. But don’t be a dumbass – call a cab or have a designated driver.
  15. Stick up for yourself. No one if going to fight your battles for you.

Bonus:

Driving fast is a necessity in life when you’re ALWAYS 10 minutes late for EVERYTHING. It’s also a helluva lot of fun 🙂

Happy Birthday Mom!! ILY

Happy Birthday Mom!! ILY

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It Takes a Village

Hillary Clinton said it takes a village, and who am I to argue with Hillary??

U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton checks her PDA upon her departure in a military C-17 plane from Malta bound for Tripoli,  Libya

Sunday is that one day of the year when we take the time to say, “thank you” to the women who raised us.

(By the way, how about we start doing that a little more often?!?)

Which got me thinking about all the women who have influenced my journey through life.

There are two I feel I lost just before I needed them most:

Aunt Joan – I will always have questions for you. Things I wished I’d thought to ask before it was too late. But, I’ve started to realize, the world you grew up in was far, far different from the challenges I encounter today. Sometimes the choices I have the freedom to make are daunting. I wish you were here to talk to.

aunt joan

Grama Gloria – If the woman you raised is any indication, you were a force to be reckoned with. I wish I remembered you more. I wish I had the foresight to ask for your story. In my mind you will always be an adventurer. From what I hear, that’s not far off.

grama gloria (2)

There are those I still have the privilege to know and love:

Aunt DJ – There are no words for the strength of spirit I have witnessed over the years. I can only hope to one day approach life with the grace and class you exhibit every day.

me justin and aunt dj swimming

Mom – my crazy, smart mother, who knows more than I can ever hope to – which I will never admit (again). You taught me anyone can learn anything if they set their mind to it and put in the work. I can never express how truly you inspire me every day to be a better person.

4821

Barbara – my beautiful cousin who showed me family could be friends. You have taught me being vulnerable is a gift not all people receive. I only hope you know how very wondrous and fierce you are.

babs genie

Those who have shown me professionalism and class are NOT mutually exclusive:

Maura Deedy – the first real female work friend I had in the “professional” world, she taught me that you CAN be a rock star at work without throwing your fellow woman under the bus

Erika Cook – my first female boss. I might have been just a waitress but you set the standard that for 20 years has made me believe women can be supportive and caring of their subordinates. Shame on you 🙂

And last but certainly not least:

My girls – that seems like such a lame word for the women who have held me up and encouraged me over the years. “Girl” completely discredits the reckoning you encompass. You are so much more than words could ever describe. Imagine that! I’m at a loss for words!! You know who you are. I love you fiercely.

Just a sampling of the “girls” who warm my heart:

ange martini

bend over

me and amina

me and amber

me and rach

me and lindsey on the bridge

I thought long and hard about the women to include in this post. There are far, far, many more goddesses who have helped show me love and kindness on my journey. I honestly did not have room for you all. (I fully relish the excess and decadence this sentence implies.) But that does not mean, in any way, shape or form, that your presence has not been felt, nor made a significant difference in my life. It has. You are appreciated and loved. Thank you from the very bottom of my heart.

Are there women in your life who have lent a helping hand on your journey?

Tell them!!

Who do you owe a “thank you”?

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Filed under family, friendship, growing up

Judgey Wudgey Was a Bear

woman's mind

And at least 1,347 of those tabs are open to something we said or did, we’re currently obsessing over not having gotten quite right.

You can meet the smartest, most successful woman on earth, but I bet you $1000 there are at least 3 things she thinks she’s done wrong in the last week, that she can’t seem to let go of.

The judgement of others can be harsh, but there’s nothing compared to the judgement we pass on ourselves.

I for one, am tired of the constant loop of let-downs I review in the wee hours of the night.

finish each day emerson quote

Why is it five years later I can remember in detail an off-handed criticism from someone I don’t even like, but the last compliment I received is a little fuzzy??

I would never speak to someone I love in the harsh, judgmental voice I reserve for myself late at night.

If one of my friends came to me obsessing over some slight or slip-up, I would help them look at the big picture.

Illustrate that while they may have messed up this time it does not define them as a failure.

you have a glass

So why can’t I be that rational, supportive friend to myself??

Sometimes it feels as though there are two different women who live in my head.

One’s a smart, kind, cleverly talented, rational woman.

The other is Judgey Wudgey the Bear.

And I’m not talking about some cute little bear:

cute bear

Judgey Wudgey is a mean ol’ bitch:

angry bear

And she’s always cranky!

I’ve been trying to find new ways to silence the snarky bitch.

Since coming out of hibernation, she’s been overly articulate and quite nosy.

Digging up the past like she’s foraging for food.

I haven’t really had much success in getting her to STFU!

STFU

Even as I write this I can hear her mocking me, “boo hoo, poor little girl got her feelings hurt”.

So I’m going to start writing her bullshit down.

Much like I list the things I’m grateful for each day.

In order to maintain an objective frame of mind, I will now also include the day’s top five judgements.

Maybe if I have to acknowledge them on paper, I can forgive myself my transgressions and move on.

Or maybe I’ll see how truly ridiculous and mean-spirited Judgey Wudgey is and learn to ignore her.

let it go

Wish me luck!

How do you let go of your inner critic?

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Filed under Change, Climbing the Ladder, dating, family, following your dreams, friendship, growing up, Happiness Project, inspiration, quotes