Call Me, Maybe?

I was talking to my fabulous friend Amina the other day and she looked at me like I was bat.shit.crazy when I told her I frequently go a day or two without talking to anyone.

The fabulous Miss Amina and I aka Ebony & Ivory Divas 🙂

I’m notorious for taking “personal days” when I respond to no one and spend a day completely in my own company, ignoring the outside world.

Which she completely understands and occasionally does herself.

But she couldn’t understand that I would regularly go a whole day without texting or calling a friend or family member.

(Please note, she does NOT count Facebook, Twitter, or any other social media platform as acceptable substitutes for a text or phone call. As someone who works in marketing and uses most of these platforms daily, I strongly disagree, but will humor her for the sake of this post.)

Now, before you also think I’m some psychopathic introvert, let me explain.

Heeeeeere’s Johnny!!

I talk to people every day. These interactions are usually at work, the gym, or the store. They aren’t always people I know personally. But I do talk to people!

I’ve never been a big phone talker.

When I was growing up we had one phone, in the kitchen, where everyone could hear you, so there was really no such thing as a private conversation.

As an adult, I worked for more years than I care to remember as a customer service rep and grew to despise speaking to anyone on the telephone.

That smiling face is a lie. Customer service is the worst.job.ever.

And quite frankly, I don’t know if I’m going deaf in my old age or cell phone reception just sucks, but I feel like I can never quite hear anyone clearly when talking on the phone these days.

Rather than just “uh huh” and pretend I heard what was said (repeating myself is a huge pet peeve so I try my best not to make others do it) I’d rather just make plans to see you in person. It’s more fun that way anyway!

Her reaction did get me thinking though.

As I’m living alone again these days, if I disappeared, would anyone notice?

Thankfully I’m not a crazy cat lady (or a fan of cats period) so I’m not in any danger of dying and having my face eaten off.

Nevah, evah, evah!

But I think I might need to start interacting with my friends and family on a more regular basis and not just to make plans.

I don’t want to be that woman discovered dead after neighbors start complaining about a foul odor.

How about you guys?

Do you talk to someone every day?

Is it the same someone?

Do you call people just to say “hi”?

Would anyone notice if you disappeared for a couple days?

It Only Hurts If You Let It

I was talking (bitching) to my wicked smart Mom the other day.

All up on my high horse, pointing out the less-than-perfect behavior of another.

And she replied, “why let it bother you?”

I’ll admit, at first, I found her response extremely annoying.

“You’re supposed to be on my side!”

“Well screw you too!”

But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized she was right.

It’s easy to focus on what’s going wrong, how someone else isn’t doing the right thing, but ultimately you are the one who allows outside forces to effect your inner peace.

This is NOT a free pass for bad behavior.

“Don’t be a dick” is a code I think everyone should follow.

But there will always be assholes walking the earth.

And you will more than likely have to interact with them on a regular basis.

You have choices in these situations.

You can allow them to bring you down to their level and return that asshole behavior tit for tat.

While this may feel really good at the time, if you’re anything like me you will then spend the next week chastising yourself for allowing said asshole to elicit such a response from you. (You really are better than that!)

You can say/do nothing.

Take the high road and let your resentment fester and grow by continuously turning that nugget of assholery over and over in your head while complaining about said assholery to friends and family. (This will certainly give you agada. That’s indigestion for all you non-Italians.)

Or

You can accept the fact that sometimes people suck.

It’s not your job to make them suck less.

It’s not your job to point out their massive amount of suckiness (suckitude?).

All you can do is take a deep breathe, accept it, and move on.

Because really – ain’t nobody got time for that!

And for all you know, someone did piss in their Cheerios and it’s not personal.

It’s Finally Friday!!! (sort of)

Happy 4th of July!!

Just a reminder, while you’re enjoying cold beer and fireworks tomorrow, the brave folks protecting the freedoms we’re celebrating are probably humping a 200 lb rucksack through some god-forsaken-shithole, thousands of miles from cold beer, fireworks, and loved ones.

Quote of the Day:

Wine Me, Dine Me:

By now we all know GMO food is bad for us. But did you know the top 10 worst GMO foods?? 2 of them surprised me!

Round the World:

A new crop of “wonders of the world” was released by UNESCO this week. How many make your bucket list??

Body Lovin’:

Overdid it at the gym?? 3 yoga poses for sore muscles.

Luscious Locks:

Wet hair at work is a no-no. Or is it??

Out and About:

Where to see fireworks in Western Mass this weekend.

Where to see fireworks in CT this weekend.

There’s no crying in baseball!!

Bushnell Park – Friday night

I know, I know!

“Where’s all the wicked awesome local music?!?”

I’ve got a four day weekend clouding my vision kids.

So I only have a few morsels of musical shenanigans for you this week.

Saturday – Tony Lee Thomas @ O’Laughlin’s in Pittsfield, MA

Sunday – The Kings @ The Wales Irish Pub in Wales, MA

I promise I’ll do better next week!

Giggles and Such:

Let me mustard up some courage!

In case of bad day, break glass.

The freedom to not give a fuck.

Have a great week(end)!!

It’s Finally Friday!!!

Quote of the Day:

Inspirational:

I feel pretty, oh so pretty!

For all the women who have ever been creeped on, stared at, and inappropriately grabbed. You are worth more than that.

Climbing the Ladder:

Feeling a little insecure in your job?? Stop it! How to build confidence at work.

For the Kiddos:

Worried about the food you feed your little one?? Make your own GMO-free baby food.

Out and About:

Friday Fun:

“Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” The city of Hartford puts on free movies after dark in parks around the city. Tonight is The Princess Bride is Elizabeth Park. Keep your fingers crossed the rain doesn’t ruin your chance to see this classic under the stars. Showing is 7pm – 11pm.

Looking to hear some acoustic tunes while enjoying a late dinner? Then check out Jeff King (of The Kings) and Anthony Drafft (of Steelhead) playing your favorites at La Cucina di Hampden House. Music starts at 7:30pm. Kitchen open til 10pm.

Hampden on the wrong side of the river for you?? Don’t worry The John Cantalini Band is playing at The Southwick Inn. If that name sounds familiar it’s because he’s the wicked awesome guitarist for The Kings. So get your ass down to The Inn and get ready to rock out!

Looking for a local dive to hang your hat for the evening? The Marks Brothers (featuring Mark Mercier of Max Creek) will be playing at The Ale House in Springfield tonight. Now Ale is my favorite dive, but, when I say dive ladies, I mean dive. The Ale House doesn’t take cards, so make sure to bring cash. Plenty of free, well-lit parking.

Saturday Shenanigans:

Tony Lee Thomas will be rocking the Crossroads Cafe out in Pittsfield, MA. If you’ve never seen Tony, he’s a special treat, featuring the lovely Miss Jenny Porter (a personal favorite of mine). Keep your ears open for Southern Girl (another personal favorite).

We have another great venue with awesome food! Gnome Sane (your new favorite 90’s band) will be playing all your favorites at The Tap Room in Wilbraham, MA starting at 9pm. Go early, get a table, and enjoy some good food and great music.

One of my favorites, Primate Fiasco will be playing those funky fresh tunes that just make you wanna dance up at Bishop’s Lounge in Northampton, MA starting 10pm.

For all my Connecticut peeps, you’re in for an extra special treat at The Downtown Cafe in Bristol. That’s right folks, Bristol’s known for more than producing NFL-playing murderers. They also have some amazing blues music courtesy of Bad Rooster!! These guys will blow you away. Lee-Ann Lovelace is the power house dynamo on vocals and my favorite Uncle keeps your feet moving to the beat on drums. Now don’t get it twisted! I wouldn’t lie to you, there’s no nepotism here at Adventures in Adulthood. So put on your dancing shoes and get your ass to the Downtown Cafe!! Show starts at 9:30pm, kitchen open til close.

Giggles and Such:

I love puns 🙂

Celebrities as normal people.

Have a great weekend!

I Got It From My Momma

In honor of my mother’s upcoming birthday, (June 24th for those of you who know her and want to wish her well) I put together a list of things she taught me over the years. Obviously it’s not an exhaustive list – that would be impossible.

Some of the lessons were appreciated at the time.

Some I didn’t fully understand until years later.

But they all remind me how lucky I am to have such an amazing Mom.

Me and my Momma

THINGS I GOT FROM MY MOMMA:

(besides some pretty amazing bone structure)

1. Never show up to a gathering empty handed and always ask the host/hostess if you can help upon arrival.
2. Dance whenever possible. (Some of my fondest memories are family dance parties in the living room.)
   

   Madonna dance parties are the best dance parties 🙂

3. Pay off your credit cards EVERY MONTH and always have a little mad money set aside.
4. Reading is AWESOME and will take you places you never dreamed of.
5. Homemade food tastes the best. Extra points for growing your own.
6. You can learn how to do anything you set your mind to. It won’t always be easy but it IS possible.
   

   Channeling her inner Amelia Earhart. That’s right my bad-ass Momma flew that plane!

7. Your skin is your largest organ. Wash your face EVERY night, moisturize, and always use sunscreen.
8. Ain’t isn’t a word. Use proper grammar.
9. If you can’t carry it – don’t pack it. Chivalry is kinda, sorta dead. Be prepared to carry your own luggage ladies.
10. Go outside. Better yet – go camping.
11. Mind your manners. They’re called “magic words” for a reason.
12. Barefaced is beautiful. Growing up I rarely saw my Mom wear much make-up and I wasn’t allowed to paint my face until high school. (It’s easy if you have great skin – see #7)
    

    Making it look easy somewhere in Korea.

13. You can’t say you don’t like something if you’ve never tried it. Try everything at least once. Twice to make sure.
14. Tequila is the nectar of the Gods. But don’t be a dumbass – call a cab or have a designated driver.
15. Stick up for yourself. No one if going to fight your battles for you.

Bonus:

Driving fast is a necessity in life when you’re ALWAYS 10 minutes late for EVERYTHING. It’s also a helluva lot of fun 🙂

Happy Birthday Mom!! ILY

It Takes a Village

Hillary Clinton said it takes a village, and who am I to argue with Hillary??

Sunday is that one day of the year when we take the time to say, “thank you” to the women who raised us.

(By the way, how about we start doing that a little more often?!?)

Which got me thinking about all the women who have influenced my journey through life.

There are two I feel I lost just before I needed them most:

Aunt Joan – I will always have questions for you. Things I wished I’d thought to ask before it was too late. But, I’ve started to realize, the world you grew up in was far, far different from the challenges I encounter today. Sometimes the choices I have the freedom to make are daunting. I wish you were here to talk to.

Grama Gloria – If the woman you raised is any indication, you were a force to be reckoned with. I wish I remembered you more. I wish I had the foresight to ask for your story. In my mind you will always be an adventurer. From what I hear, that’s not far off.

There are those I still have the privilege to know and love:

Aunt DJ – There are no words for the strength of spirit I have witnessed over the years. I can only hope to one day approach life with the grace and class you exhibit every day.

Mom – my crazy, smart mother, who knows more than I can ever hope to – which I will never admit (again). You taught me anyone can learn anything if they set their mind to it and put in the work. I can never express how truly you inspire me every day to be a better person.

Barbara – my beautiful cousin who showed me family could be friends. You have taught me being vulnerable is a gift not all people receive. I only hope you know how very wondrous and fierce you are.

Those who have shown me professionalism and class are NOT mutually exclusive:

Maura Deedy – the first real female work friend I had in the “professional” world, she taught me that you CAN be a rock star at work without throwing your fellow woman under the bus

Erika Cook – my first female boss. I might have been just a waitress but you set the standard that for 20 years has made me believe women can be supportive and caring of their subordinates. Shame on you 🙂

And last but certainly not least:

My girls – that seems like such a lame word for the women who have held me up and encouraged me over the years. “Girl” completely discredits the reckoning you encompass. You are so much more than words could ever describe. Imagine that! I’m at a loss for words!! You know who you are. I love you fiercely.

Just a sampling of the “girls” who warm my heart:

I thought long and hard about the women to include in this post. There are far, far, many more goddesses who have helped show me love and kindness on my journey. I honestly did not have room for you all. (I fully relish the excess and decadence this sentence implies.) But that does not mean, in any way, shape or form, that your presence has not been felt, nor made a significant difference in my life. It has. You are appreciated and loved. Thank you from the very bottom of my heart.

Are there women in your life who have lent a helping hand on your journey?

Tell them!!

Who do you owe a “thank you”?

Judgey Wudgey Was a Bear

And at least 1,347 of those tabs are open to something we said or did, we’re currently obsessing over not having gotten quite right.

You can meet the smartest, most successful woman on earth, but I bet you $1000 there are at least 3 things she thinks she’s done wrong in the last week, that she can’t seem to let go of.

The judgement of others can be harsh, but there’s nothing compared to the judgement we pass on ourselves.

I for one, am tired of the constant loop of let-downs I review in the wee hours of the night.

Why is it five years later I can remember in detail an off-handed criticism from someone I don’t even like, but the last compliment I received is a little fuzzy??

I would never speak to someone I love in the harsh, judgmental voice I reserve for myself late at night.

If one of my friends came to me obsessing over some slight or slip-up, I would help them look at the big picture.

Illustrate that while they may have messed up this time it does not define them as a failure.

So why can’t I be that rational, supportive friend to myself??

Sometimes it feels as though there are two different women who live in my head.

One’s a smart, kind, cleverly talented, rational woman.

The other is Judgey Wudgey the Bear.

And I’m not talking about some cute little bear:

Judgey Wudgey is a mean ol’ bitch:

And she’s always cranky!

I’ve been trying to find new ways to silence the snarky bitch.

Since coming out of hibernation, she’s been overly articulate and quite nosy.

Digging up the past like she’s foraging for food.

I haven’t really had much success in getting her to STFU!

Even as I write this I can hear her mocking me, “boo hoo, poor little girl got her feelings hurt”.

So I’m going to start writing her bullshit down.

Much like I list the things I’m grateful for each day.

In order to maintain an objective frame of mind, I will now also include the day’s top five judgements.

Maybe if I have to acknowledge them on paper, I can forgive myself my transgressions and move on.

Or maybe I’ll see how truly ridiculous and mean-spirited Judgey Wudgey is and learn to ignore her.

Wish me luck!

How do you let go of your inner critic?

Untie Me

Almost everyone these days has a smartphone.

In fact, the only people I know who don’t, are my parents and my off-the-grid roomie who purposely downgraded to a “dumb” phone several years ago.

Don’t get me wrong I love my smartphone.

With Google in my pocket there’s not a random factoid I can’t find or a place I can’t figure out how to get to.

But, it can get overwhelming.

Sometimes it feels like I can’t get away.

I recently spent the weekend at my cousin’s lake house in New Hampshire.

Among it’s many attributes is the lack of cell coverage.

Or at least it used to be!

Thanks to AT&T, I now have 4G coverage out in the boonies.

Some of you might think I’m bat shit right now.

What’s so bad about having service??

Nothing. If you want to stay connected to the outside world.

But one of the things I love about my home away from home is unplugging.

Most of the time I don’t even bring my charger.

It’s insanely liberating.

Especially for someone who works in social media. Even when I want to cut the ties that bind me, I still have a job to do.

my home away from home 🙂

In our hyper-connected, Facebook obsessed world, not having internet access completely changes your perspective.

If you’re trying to be more mindful, live more fully in the moment, or maybe trying a Happiness Project of your own, I highly recommend unplugging.

Have you ever gone out without your phone?

Did you feel naked?

Or does it make you feel free??

For me it’s a little of Column A, a little from Column B.

We’ve all see that group of friends out to dinner, eyeballs glued to their phones, instead of actually talking to each other.

Don’t be those people.

My Mom has this awesome rule of no phones at her dinner table.

It’s pretty rude when you think about it.

It’s okay to break bread together, but God forbid you have an actual face to face conversation?!

The next time you’re out, leave your phone at home.

Or if you really can’t be without it, at least turn your ringer off.

The electronic tether is much easier to ignore if you can’t hear it.

It’s the polite thing to do.

Mom said so 🙂

Wicked Hard and Extremely Fragile

I’m not a trusting person.

Call me paranoid but I don’t take anyone’s word for it.

It’s especially hard, after someone you want to trust, has broken that bond.

How are you supposed to take that leap again?

There is no magic pill to take to guarantee a clean slate.

Old fears creep in and the most innocent of exchanges can feel like a plot against your happiness.

How can you truly trust if you haven’t figured out how to forgive?

And I’m not just talking about forgiving others.

I don’t know about you, but when my trust is broken, the person I blame the most is myself.

I should have known better!

How could I have been so stupid??

Why couldn’t I tell he/she was lying?

Trust is such a vulnerable bond.

Even when you have the courage to open your heart and trust.

There are so many obstacles, so many worries that can gnaw on your mind.

The fears and anxieties pick with vicious tenacity at your fragile trust until it has been shredded. Completely destroyed, only the fears and anxieties remaining.

Stop the fear!

The fears and anxieties cannot win if you fill your heart and mind with love.

As part of my Happiness Project I am making a conscious effort to be more trusting. To chose love over fear.

(For those of you who missed those posts – shame on you! Just kidding 🙂 You can check them out here and here.)

This is especially hard for me.

I have an overwhelming need to always be prepared (thank you Girl Scouts) and what may be the world’s most over-active imagination.

When these super powers combine they make me:

The Queen of the Worst.Case.Scenario.

You might be thinking, ‘well that doesn’t sound too bad.’

The problem lies in the thoughts.

If our reality is a manifestation of our thoughts, then being worried, anxious, and distrusting will just bring you more of the same.

And who wants that??

What about you guys?

Do you trust easily?

Or is trusting someone the hardest.thing.ever for you??

It’s Finally Friday!!!

Quote of the Day:

How Does Your Garden Grow:

If you use as much garlic as I do this will save you tons of money!

Fitness First:

10 minutes to better abs.

Techie Love:

Every wish you could do something with all those amazing pics you have on Instagram?? Now you can! Turn them into magnets!!

Wine Me, Dine Me:

Looking for a healthy breakfast you can eat on the go?? Try this super easy and wicked healthy cookies.

Health and Wellness:

We all know mediation is good for you. But it can be really hard to get started. Check out these 5 different practices and find one that works for you!

One hour a week could change your life.

Be True, Be You:

25 things you don’t have to justify to anyone.

Giggles and Such:

Take a seat. Make a friend.

It’s all about sex baby.

Have a great weekend!